A Real Anniversary!

Roughly twenty years ago, a young man about 12 years was entering the lankiest and most awkward time in his life. He was emerging from a bit of a rebellious rough spell (6th and 7th grade) during which time he created a bit of a headache for this mother (a spell which she could not have had the hindsight to recognize as an “odd blessing” for its occurrence during a relatively naive time in a boy’s life, and a time when “rebellion” was expressed through relatively tame means). That boy was, of course, me, and the changes that occurred in that short period of time in my life are something I cannot fully explain, but am eternally grateful for. There is no question change came from multiple avenues, but among the most profound was a rediscovery of one of my mother’s favorite singers: John Denver. I had always been a sucker for sunshine, trees, mountains, and generally uplifting (and even romantic) sentiments. If my story/situation had a troubadour.. it was John. You coudl say he saved me in some ways. Anyone who knew me between 1990 and 2005 knows that John Denver was part of how you defined me, how you explained me to someone who didn’t know me. Among my earliest favorites was Annie’s Song. A song about John’s wife. What a lovely transcendent piece. Beautiful guitar, beautiful simple words. There is a difference between ‘simple: and “cheesy.” Don’t kid yourself into thinking that a “simple” song is easy to write. As one who has tried for years, I can attest to the challenge. I dreamed about one day feeling that way about someone. About directing that transcendent feeling the song gave me towards someone I felt that way about. In the Winter of 200-2001, I met Annie Barlow. I was immediately taken by her personality and how gorgeous I thought she was. She was definitely a powerful presence in that room. We became casual friends. Shortly after we met, Annie went to serve an LDS mission in Brazil. When she returned we became good friends and started dating. I had built a little confidence and most of her “distractions” had left or gotten married. We dated for several years and were married in 2005. While we dated, and since then, people have mentioned how serendipitous it was that I ended up with an “Annie.” More interesting is that I never did, nor do I often think about the connection to the song title. It is not “Annie’s” song because her name is on it, it is Annie’s song because it has been the soundtrack I have reserved for the most important person in my life since I was 13 years old. For me it is an added bonus that the song that truly evokes incredible emotions directed at my amazing wife Annie, happens to be called “Annie’s Song.” I certainly saw some “aha” moments in the crowd when I sang it to her for our wedding. If you watch almost any TV today you will see so many examples of scripted emotion and phony love. It’s painful to watch. Someone out there loves the sugar coating of fairytale love. People who know real love don’t buy it, some can’t watch it, because it is so painfully insincere. I personally bristle at all things “non-real.” To me, real love is hard won, real love doesn’t always have a soundtrack, real love can’t be conveyed (or obtained) in a half hour. I think this co-opting of “love” by media (i.e. snapshots of blissful, or fleeting “love”), has made a bit of a mockery of real love. Where are you going with this Jake? Well, on this my anniversary, I want to proclaim that I am in real love with my amazing wife. I have been married to Annie for seven years today. I have known her for 12 years and I have dreamed about her for over twenty years. When I hear a real love song like “Annie’s Song,” I certainly focus on the good times, the things I absolutely love about my wife, but those emotions and that commitment has grown out of real compromise, real struggles and genuine work. The image the song invokes are indeed the good times, however, I think the REAL emotion and REAL love that is carrying (and permitting) those feelings comes from a foundation of joint EFFORT and knowing that I love this woman so much that I could work through anything just to be with her. How can she “fill up my senses,” with only one-dimensional fairytale elements? When she “fills up my senses” feelings of love AND genuine accomplishment, genuine complexity, and awe, engulf me. Like a sleepy blue ocean AND like a storm in the desert! That’s real to me. I am learning over these last seven years that love is a truly selfless act. John says it well: “Come let me love you, come love me again” It has been a magical thing to love you Annie, and I do so much. You have “let me love you” and I know it hasn’t always been easy for you. These seven years have been the real experience that makes “Annie’s Song” everything I dreamed it would be as a hopeful teenager. It could not have been scripted better. If John Denver’s role in my life was limited to a subliminal set of decisions that led me to exactly you, then God bless and rest his soul for it. Happy Seven Years!